so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
