We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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