I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
