I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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