My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
