I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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