Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize