I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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