He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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