im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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