I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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