There is no way he is gay with that hair.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
