I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
