well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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