Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
