my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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