Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I die, sorry about rent.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
