Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize