He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
