he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
