I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
