3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize