dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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