the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
