I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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