My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
