he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize