Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
