This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it was like eating out sand paper
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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