Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
