I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
