I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
