i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
