I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
