every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
