is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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