it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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