Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
