what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
