I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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