im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
