The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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