it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am one with the molecules
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
