i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
