she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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