Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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