HIV tests are more positive than that guy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
