I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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