I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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