Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
