im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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