i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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