But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
