Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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