I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize