PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
