evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
