So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
