if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize