so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
