It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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