Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
