There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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