Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
