Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize