I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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