So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
