just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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