living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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