That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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