I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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