Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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