i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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