the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
