He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
