Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
