Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
