they said they heard you say put it in my butt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
