I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
