The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
