ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My pussy is not your playground.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think your dad took our porno
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
