I just saw a hot homeless man
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
