I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
